As I got ready for our last Doves and Eagles event of the year, I stared at myself in the mirror and marveled at the work that God had done me since I had trusted my life to him just sixteen months earlier.
I was delighted with the ways in which God had changed my character and attitude and in that moment, I can even say I was pleased with how I looked. Rob had caught my comment about wanting a dress after our date to the Olive Garden. He gave me $30 and insisted—despite my insistence that his generosity was unnecessary—that he wanted me to have an opportunity to purchase a new dress.
As I tried on dress after dress (I’m telling you, it’s nearly impossible for me to find a modest dress that’s also flattering) I struggled a bit with knowing what to purchase.
Modesty hadn’t really been an issue on my radar until the previous December. This was the first time I’d been faced with purchasing summery-type clothes that were also appropriate. And a dress no less—this was not an easy task, especially for my body type.
I hung one dress after another back on the rack wondering if I was ever going to find something that was attractive yet appropriate. I felt extra pressure to purchase something since Rob had so generously given me the money and we had a dressy event coming up just around the corner.
Then finally I tried on a dress that was sleeveless with thick straps, which fell just at the top of my knees and had a modest cut across the top. It was fitted well enough that I didn’t feel like I was wearing a moo-moo, but not so fitted that I felt like I couldn’t breathe or sit down without being self conscious. And best of all, it was blue. Rob had mentioned more than once that he liked the color blue on me.
So there I stood, in front of the mirror, wearing my new dress for the first time. I paired it with a white sweater, and headed out the door anxious to see Rob.
I cannot, for the life of me, remember what we did as a group that night. All I know is that we were all dressed up, and Rob and I had plans to go hang out at his place and watch a movie afterward.
On our way out to his place we stopped by Blockbuster to rent a movie. The only t.v. in the barn was in a room downstairs that technically wasn’t Rob’s. It had a lot of his landlord’s model planes and other random stuff strewn about. The washer and dryer and computer were also in this small room.
So before we could settle in we had to move a few things around. Eventually we made room enough for two on the couch and cleared a path wide enough to get there. It was very obvious to me that Rob didn’t spend a lot of time in front of the t.v. That was another thing I really liked about this guy. The list of things I liked was growing daily!
Rob and I nervously continued the conversation we’d been having. This was the first time we’d be watching a movie together without a big group of people around. We were decidedly alone, in the middle of nowhere with very little chance of being interrupted.
I wondered if, and sincerely hoped that Rob would finally hold my hand. The end of the school year was only days away. This chapter of our whirlwind romance was quickly coming to a close. I wanted each day to stretch on forever. I honestly, truly couldn’t get enough of this guy!
And as happy as I would have been just to sit near him on the couch I was longing to have a symbol of his affection that would be reserved only for someone special. Really special—girlfriend special.
Call me dense, but the fact that we had spent so much time together, the fact that he invited me home to meet his family, and the fact that we were already talking about the possibility of marriage were not enough for me to really feel like we were more than just friends. I knew we were special friends, but I still didn’t feel like his girlfriend.
To feel like we were an actual couple one of three things needed to happen in my mind. 1.) Rob needed to refer to me as his girlfriend, or himself as my boyfriend—we still hadn’t put a label on what it was that was going on between us. 2.) Rob needed to let the cat out of the bag and make an attempt at publicly recognizing that the two of us were more than just friends. Or, 3.) He needed to hold my hand… or kiss me. Either one would have worked in my mind!
Will tonight be the night I can stop wondering whether or not we’re more than just really good friends? Oh man, I hope so!
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3 comments:
did he like the dress? :-)
That's a really good question. I assume he did. I actually just gave that dress to Leeann last week. I think it's time I confess that I probably shouldn't wear it anymore :0)
:-) My mom stayed with me last week while Dave was out of town and helped me throw out a lot of stuff I had kept, dating back to high school and college! I told her I needed to have her come back to help with clothes!
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