When Mom isn't Ready for School

In less than two weeks my son starts kindergarten. My son. My baby. My youngest child. My playmate, my buddy and companion while his dad as at work and his sister is at school.

My baby.

The little guy I held in my arms just yesterday (wasn't it?) who was a teeny, tiny bundle of joy that melted my heart the second I saw his precious little face.

My son.

Kindergarten.

He will be in school for four hours each week day. I will be (gulp) alone much of that time. Okay, really I'll only be alone three days a week since I nanny on Wednesdays and Rob's home on Fridays. And on at least one of those three remaining days I'll spend time in my kids' classrooms.

So in all reality my time alone will be fairly limited... but still. The thought of sitting alone in a quiet house might bring joy and relief to an introvert. But to me, it just sounds like torture!

My job for the last seven + years has been to nurture and care for my young. I've spent my days wiping noses, kissing owies and preparing meal after meal after meal to nourish my little ones.

My little ones aren't so little anymore though. The truth is, they blow their own noses now, and even prepare some of their own meals. As of yet, they still look to me to comfort them when they're hurt, but I know that time will come to end all too soon as well.

I take joy in the fact that they are growing up into such delightful, independent children. That means Rob and I have done at least a few things right as parents. However, I'll be honest, I'm not ready for this next stage in life.

Titus is ready. He's been counting down the days until school starts all Summer long. He's got his lunch box, his back pack and his school supplies and he's rip-roaring ready to go.

I, on the other hand, want to hold onto him just a little bit longer. I still have a hard-time admitting to the fact that we are past the baby stage. Or the toddler stage. And now, the preschool stage. My children are both school-aged children. Grade schoolers. Children. Not babies, not toddlers, not preschoolers. Just children.

How did I get here so fast? Where's the rewind button? How do I at least make time stand still?

Or, if all else fails, can someone help me figure out how I can enroll myself in kindergarten and go to school with Titus? He says he wouldn't mind if I went with him, but he doesn't think I would fit in the desks!

Like it or not, my role, my schedule and life are all about to change drastically. What exactly is a stay-at-home mom without any kids at home during the day supposed to do? Am I supposed to magically gain the desire to keep my house spic and span? Should I start cooking all of my meals from scratch? Maybe I should start a new hobby or take some classes?

The truth is, I feel pretty aimless at this new stage in life. Do any of you who have ventured down this road before me have any wisdom or insight to share? I'm all ears!