Saturday, June 12, 2010

What a Crazy Life I Lead

My house is quiet and all have gone to bed (or are at least quite and in their rooms).

It's during times like these that my mind quites down long enough to remember all of the things I need to do. So I get on the computer, dive in, and start multi-tasking. I am sitting on my couch right now, with 11 different internet tabs open.

In the last hour or so I have re-listed my house on Craigslist. I have tried to re-list it on Zillow, only to realize that I think Rob has to do it through his email account. I then realized that listing my house shouldn't be on my priority list right now.

So after some catching-up on facebook I started to work on class reunion stuff. This requires opening up tabs to check emails and facebook messages, mess with the reunion blog and the facebook group page. Then I had to update my data-base and copy my updates onto the blog. Then I realized I HAVE to get the evites out... like today.

So I opened up another tab and began to edit my previously drafted evite. Then I made some changes. I opened up a tab to insert a new picture. Then I opened up a new one to try to figure out how to work paypal so I can have people pay on-line if they'd like. Then I saw a link to add music to the invitation, so I started thinking about music that reminds me of my high school years. I then began to draw a complete blank as to come up with music from those years. So I asked for some feedback on facebook.

Then I saw that Melissa, my VBS Co-Director was on-line so I started chatting with her about the crazy madness called VBS that's in just over a week. Let's not even begin to start talking or thinking about all of the stuff that's still not done for that. It makes my head spin.

Meanwhile my head is still not 'in the game' for either upcoming huge event that involves several hundred people a piece. Both of which I'm ultimately responsible for. My head is thinking about the time I'd like to be spending with my kids. It's thinking about my 15 year-old foster daughter who's gotta be dealing with God literally only knows what right now. I have no idea how long I'll have to make a positive impact on her life. It's thinking about my desire to be learning and growing more in the keeping and care of my family and my home.

God is drawing my heart more and more toward home lately. I've been a part-time working mom since our kids were first born. I've always thought I'd always be a working mom. In the past I have been so driven by success and the desire to 'prove myself' to others. I've thrived off of outside pressure and feedback. I've loved planning and executing huge events. I was Class President all four years in highschool and the Activities Coordinator for two years in college. I've planned dances, parties, elections, festivals, Homecomings, weddings, mystery trips, youth group adventures, VBS's, Children's Ministry events galore, and all sorts of other random events too. If something's going on that I'm involved in, I'm usually in charge of it. It's been that way my whole life. And I've LOVED it.

Suddenly though, I'll be honest, I'm kind of wishing life would slow down. I am gaining a stronger and stronger desire to solely be my family's Activity Coordinator. I'd love to keep my house and my family in tip-top shape. I'd love to make most of my meals from scratch. I'd love to have a summer full of activities and learning opportunities that I'm doing with my kids. I'd love to spend more time with friends, take up jogging, read some books and blog more often. I'd love to have the energy left-over at the end of the day to support my husband in what he needs support with.

Yet, in the end, I have committed to leading these events and I need to see them through to their completion, regardless of where my heart is right now. So, I should probably close this tab, and tend to the other 10 so I can get to bed at a reasonable hour. Sunday's are our crazy busy, emotionally stressful days. Our whole family is usually ready for a nap by 2! There's something about Sunday's when you're a Pastor's Wife. It's a beautiful day, where all sorts of people are touched and encouraged by God and his people. Yet it's stressful because you just never know what it's going to hold. You never know whose joys you get to share in or whose burdens you'll get to help carry. Yet another thing I'd like to have more time, and mental energy to put into.

But alas, I really must end this post now. It's cathartic to write, but it's not helping me get done the things I need to finish before I go to bed. Keeping it real...

1 comment:

becca banana said...

I do so much of this... and have so many of the same feelings. For the first time I will not have a job/grad degree/etc to do for summer and I get to be a mommy. Almost surreal.

You're doing the right thing. Juggling all the craziness but considering and choosing your top priorities. I'm so glad you wrote about this!!!