Though I quit my job of 4.5 years as a part-time Children's Ministry Director at the end of last year, I have yet to feel the effects of getting to be an official stay at home mom. Until today.
Well, kind of. I've been super nannying 2-3 days a week for a friend of mine who went back to work to cover some people who went on maternity leave at her former place of employment. So, for the last 3 months I have still been employed, though in a different capacity than before.
And, the reason I titled this post "I'm finally a stay at home-ish mom" is that I will continue to super nanny, but only a few days a month.
So today marks the first day that I'm really feeling like a stay at home mom. I have relatively few commitments on my plate right now, and I don't plan to make many more commitments until I get my feet grounded in my new role.
With my new role comes new responsibilities. But now, my work won't be rewarded with a paycheck. I confess, I do like getting paychecks! Now, my responsibilities will be rewarded with the knowledge that I'm blessing my family. And while that sounds good and noble, I honestly hope it's enough to keep me motivated to work for the Lord and for my family as I would be working for an employer.
I was talking with Rob last night about this newfound stage in my life. I'm honestly fearful that I'll fail my family. It's one thing to have a half-way organized home when I'm juggling a part-time job on top of the 183 other commitments that seem to sneak their way into my week.
It's another thing to have a half-way organized home when my job is managing my home and my family. In the past I've trusted that my efforts, however meager at various stages, had to be enough. I had nothing more to give.
But now, looking forward, my job is to put my efforts and energy into my home and my family first. I feel like my job is now working outside of my skill set. In case I haven't made it clear before, I'm not the world's greatest housekeeper. It doesn't come naturally to me.
I find great joy in a clean, organized home, but I don't exactly find great joy in the journey it takes to get there. If I could choose what to do with any given day, housework would be somewhere near the bottom of that list. Though, I know it's important. I know it blesses my family, and others. And now, it's one of my primary job descriptions.
I thought being a working mom was hard. I'm beginning to wonder if being a stay at home mom is going to be even more difficult!
I am now accepting tips, tricks and short-cuts for keeping my house as nice as possible while exerting the least amount of energy possible in the shortest amount of time. Oh, and I'd like get a very part-time job that also pays me well (gotta get to Disneyland somehow!), while only doing things that I love, and only during times convenient for me. Is this all too much to ask?
Here's to learning to enjoy the journey...