I love kids of all ages. I always have. I love different things about each of the different ages and stages of kids’ lives. But without question, 2-4 is my favorite stage. Kids this age are learning new things every day. They’re so curious and so adventurous. And honestly, they’re just plain funny! By this age you can see their personality start to surface.
By the time Leeann hit 2, I knew she was going to be a kind, gentle, helpful, compassionate child.
By the time Titus hit 2, I knew he was going to be funny, silly, energetic, lively and wildly intelligent.
Today would have been Willow’s 2nd Birthday. I wonder who she would have been. I imagine that she would have been petite in stature. I imagine her to have blue eyes, one that drifts like her mama’s. Her slightly curly hair would likely be to her shoulders by now. She would have a dimple in her chin. I imagine her to be able to carry a tune like a her daddy, and that she would delight in singing.
She would love princesses and pretty things, just like her sister. She would long to be able to play with Titus’s Legos and Leeann’s Polly Pockets. Her nails would always be polished because Leeann would beg me to let her paint her teeny tiny nails on a regular basis.
I imagine her to be smart. Perhaps too smart for her own good. I imagine her to be stubborn. Really stubborn. I was convinced she was going to be my quintessential “pastor’s child”.
She would have loved books. We’re a family that loves books. I can almost see her in her pretty pink nightgown snuggled up between Leeann and Titus with her favorite book, turning the pages with her itty bitty fingers while Titus tries to read her the words on the page before she can flip it.
I could sit here all day long and dream about the daughter that I will never know this side of Heaven. Some days I do let my imagination run wild and dream of who she might have been. Honestly though, those days are fewer and farther between than they once were. There was a time that I wondered if a day would ever go by that I didn’t long desperately for her.
I long to know her personally, but I have come to grips with the fact that I won’t get that opportunity until my time on Earth is through. Instead of grieving the fact that I am unable to celebrate her life here on Earth, I am going to celebrate the fact that there will be a day that I will get to know her.
Until that day, I imagine that MeeMaw is taking good care of her. I don’t know a whole lot about Heaven, as I’ve never been there myself, but I imagine that those two are best buddies right now. I also imagine them saying, “If you only knew what it was like here, in the presence of God, you would not grieve for us. If you only knew the scope of eternity, you wouldn’t fret about this short time that we are separated.”
Happy “Birthday” sweet Willow. Though it’s taken me some time to get to this point, I am grateful for your presence in my life. You have taught me so much and you have changed my perspective on so many things. I wish we had more time together here on Earth, but I’m grateful you were born into the loving arms of Jesus. I celebrate your incredibly short life today. I wish you were here, but that’s to fulfill my own selfish desires. I know that you are experiencing a joy and peace that I will not get the opportunity to experience until we finally meet face-to-face.
Until that day comes, please know that I love you.
Love,
Mommy
Here’s a post I wrote on her due date, but published last year on what would have been her first Birthday. This is the story that tells about how we can to name a child that we will never know this side of Heaven.
Naming a daughter I will never know this side of Heaven
I wrote this post one year ago today, on what would have been my due date, but chose not to publish it at that time. This year has been a year of healing and moving forward for me. I can honestly say that I'm in a good place, having come to terms with the fact that my body is done making babies. It's been a long, grueling and heart-breaking process at times, but it's reality. I can't change my circumstances but I can change my attitude.
1 comment:
{{hug}}
It is a good thing we *don't* know a lot about Heaven. I think if we did, we'd all beat it out of this world *fast*.
I always think of you when I think of what Erin went through last Christmas. Her due date would be approaching soon; when she first found out she was pregnant, we laughed because we calculated that her OSU graduation and the arrival of her little one would be in competition this June.
Yesterday a box came in the mail for her, one of those promotional gifts you get when you've been on baby registries. It made me incredibly sad.
Samples of diapers, formula, all that. I was reminded that I will always consider myself as having one more grandchild than the ones in our current life because like you, I believe the ones that by-pass this world are as special as the ones who are passing through it with us.
Thanks for sharing your heart.
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