Our Love Story—Physical Touch

Some people get irritated when they are touched. Some people could take it or leave it. Some people enjoy being touched. People like me crave it. We need physical touch like a fish needs water.

Air, water, food, touch, ice cream. In that order. Is there anything else that really matters?

I kind of assumed everyone was like me. Doesn’t everyone need at least 18,023 touches a day just to survive? I gave hugs like they were going out of style, played with friends’ hair during chapel and flew across the room to tackle someone just because. Because everybody likes to be touched, right?

Shortly after Rob and I defined our relationship a little more clearly we found ourselves out and about enjoying another day together. When normal people go out on dates they park on the top of a hill overlooking the romantic city lights. The last time we were together we parked in a Wal-Mart parking lot and this time we were parked in front of a women’s prison. We were breakin’ the mold! Who wants to be normal anyway?

In his car while we were watching some ducks play Rob told me about a book he’d recently read called the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He speculated, based on my interaction with my friends that my primary love language was physical touch. As soon as he explained the concept of the love languages it was apparent to me that he indeed hit the nail on the head with his assessment.

Here’s a synopsis of the Five Love Languages from http://www.5lovelanguages.com: After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Rob also correctly assumed that maybe that’s why I was having a difficult time seeing his interest in me. That’s why I was having a hard time reading him. That’s why I kept waffling back and forth about whether or not I thought he was interested in me despite the fact that we’d spent hours and hours together engrossed in deep, meaningful conversation.

Suddenly the world made a little more sense! And we clearly needed to figure out how to work this newfound knowledge into our budding relationship lest I spend the whole time utterly confused!

So we proceeded to have a long talk about purity—which we both strongly desired in our relationship—and how he could best meet my need for physical touch in an appropriate manner. He expressed to me that he really wanted to speak my love language so that he could convey his care for me in a way that I would understand.

After our conversation was finished he ever-so awkwardly reached his hand over and set it gently on my knee. On one hand it seemed a little silly and unnatural. On the other hand it was very nice. It was clear to me that he was making a gesture to express his care for me—and that was priceless.

And I would be lying if I didn’t say it was nice to finally be touched by this guy that I was falling head-over-heels over!

Over the next couple of days he awkwardly touched me a few more times. First it was a squeeze on the shoulder and then it was a random pat on the head. The pat on the head was especially significant because it was in the mail room while a group of our friends were all standing together talking.

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly the display of affection that would announce to our friends that we were spending ridiculous amounts of time together in secret off-campus locations. But still, it was significant to me… because it was like an inside joke that only we knew about. I knew it was his little way of showing me he cared, especially since it was plain to see that physical affection was not anywhere close to his primary love language.

I liked that he purposefully stepped outside of his comfort zone to meet me in mine. I liked that he valued purity in our relationship. I liked that he liked me. 

Click on the "Our Love Story" tag at the top of the page to see other love story posts, or to start from the beginning. 

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Curious what your love language is, or the love language of your spouse or children? Here's a tool that will help you discover more about the Five Love Languages. I'm not sure things would have worked out as well as they have between Rob and I if we didn't have knowledge of these different ways of expressing and receiving love. It only takes a few minutes and I highly recommend it!

If you're up for sharing I'd love to hear what your primary love language is!