Our Love Story—Putting on the Breaks

That night, J and I went out to dinner, if I remember right. Though honestly, I don’t remember the details. What I do remember is going to Ekklessia together, our Wednesday night college group at Grace Baptist Church in Salem.

It was there that I found myself utterly conflicted. I had a wonderful time J all this week, but as Rob spoke that night (as he did most Wednesday nights) I found it difficult to look at him as just a friend. I loved listening to him preach, I enjoyed all of our conversations. And as long as we’re being honest with each other, I found him incredibly attractive!

But here I was, surrounded by a bunch of friends, including J, unsure of what to do with these feelings that I was trying—unsuccessfully—to shake.

I had spent much of that morning reasoning to myself that clearly Rob wasn’t interested. After all, J, his accountability partner, would surely know if he was interested in me. And, if he was interested in me, there’s no way J, who also knew that I was fond of Rob, would have asked me out on a date.

So, it was clear to me that I needed to turn my affections elsewhere, and where better than toward the guy that had recently asked me out on a date?

But, it was so hard! As much as I wanted to turn my affections elsewhere, I just couldn't. This guy was so—mysterious. Intriguing. Gorgeous. Interesting. Funny. Witty. Inspiring. Attractive. Did I mention, good looking?

So, I did what any sensible person obsessed with honesty would do. In his car, in the parking lot of our dorm, I told J that while I was indeed interested in getting to know him better, I had to make sure my heart was right where Rob was concerned first. After all, J knew I had been interested in him, so surely he could understand that I just needed some time to adjust my thinking.

After that conversation we agreed to continue to hang out, but put the breaks on a little. Besides, school was ending in less than a month and I was likely leaving overseas for the summer. It wasn’t the best timing to be starting a serious relationship. So, we left it at that and I went back to my dorm, almost upset with myself that I just couldn’t let go of my admiration of Rob, especially since I now knew that he didn’t see me as anything more than a friend.

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