Our Love Story—The Cry of my Heart

Time was moving so quickly and so slowly all at the same time. Just a month earlier I was undeniably single with no prospects on the horizon.

Then I had two guys on the horizon.

And then there was one.

One gorgeous, smart, funny, witty, godly man.

I had enjoyed our date together immensely. And as much as I tried to enjoy Easter with my family, I was dying to get back to campus.

When I first went off to college I came home nearly every weekend to see my still-in-high school boyfriend. I’d leave campus as early as I could on Friday and stay in St. Helens as late as possible on Sunday to get as much time with him as I could.

Now the tables were decidedly turned. I came home as late as possible and returned to campus as early as possible—hoping that some way, some how, I might get a phone call asking for another date that evening. I had to be ready… just in case!

But, that Monday evening came and went without word from Rob. The last time I had heard from him was as we said goodbye at the bowling alley on Saturday night.

That Saturday where we spent the whole day together, conversing effortlessly as if we’d known each other our whole lives. That day where we shared details of our upbringing and hopes for our respective futures. In my opinion the day was splendid. I found myself wishing for 100 more days just like it. Something about it just felt so peaceful, so easy, so perfect!

That’s how I felt about it. But the date transitioned so quickly when we rushed off to the Birthday party where we were surrounded by people who we were trying to keep our date a secret from, that we didn’t really have time to properly end it. There was no, “I had a great time.” Or, “Can I see you again?” Or, “Let’s elope next weekend.” (Which, I may very well have said yes to if he would have asked!) There was no hug, no kiss, no long embrace. There was no indication that Rob felt the same way about our date that I did.  

In fact, he hadn’t so much as touched me even once in our 10+ hours together that day. This was yet one more way that this man was intriguing and mysterious to me. He was so much different than any guy I’d ever known. And our date was different than any date I’d ever been on. It was like a breath of fresh air for my I’m so done with stupid guys mentality.           

From my prospective the date couldn’t have gone better. Then again, I had been the one on the date with my shoot-for-the-stars dream guy. Rob, on the other hand, had been on a date with a girl 6.5 years younger who was already like putty in his hands. In our conversations over time I had come to know some of the things he had on his ‘list’ of what he imagined his wife to be like.

I was pretty much the opposite of most of the things on that list. Yet, he seemed to enjoy his time on Saturday. Though he didn’t touch me, ask me for a second date, come to the after-bowling movie party, or call me all day Sunday or Monday.

Hmmm, maybe our time together was too good to be true? Maybe one date was all it took for him to see that there was no way this—whatever it was that was going on between he and I—was going to work? Maybe my eternal optimism was painting a rosy picture of what had really been a bleary event? Rob’s signals were all but impossible to read.

All I knew for sure was that I was smack dab in the middle of where God wanted me. I was confident of that fact. I saw first-hand God transforming me into an almost unrecognizable version of myself over that previous year. I felt my heart change, soften and be gently molded by his mighty hands.  

I was fully and completely surrendered to God and my heart was incredibly focused on wanting nothing more than his will for my life. Maybe this included Rob? Or maybe it just included some of the lessons that Rob was teaching me along the way—helping prepare me for the one I was going to spend my life alongside.  

I opened up my prayer journal to an entry I had written six weeks earlier. I couldn’t help but smile, wondering if God was answering my prayers so much sooner, and in such a bigger, brighter, more perfect way than I ever could have imagined.

2-26-01 An excerpt from my prayer journal.

“My Future Husband—I pray that you work in his life and prepare him for our life together. Help him focus fully on you. Make him a godly man and a godly example. Prepare his heart for his service for you and in our family. Keep him pure and holy. Lord, teach him now to love and cherish. Please make it evident to us in your timing that we, without a doubt, belong together in your service. Prepare him now to help him be a challenge to me later. Help him know how to constantly challenge me and help me love you more. I pray that my husband would be a leader and a servant and a man willing to put down his life and everything in it for you.”

A man willing to put down his life and everything in it for you. Like—a pastor maybe?

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