Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Our Love Story—Mailbox Woes Part 1

Mid February, 2011

Two months earlier I had prayed diligently that God would let me have just one semester at Corban. Just one semester to take Bible classes and be surrounded by other God fearing college students. I knew from the moment I toured the campus for the first time that Corban was a place that would help me grow leaps and bounds in my newfound faith in God. I wanted to go to Corban as badly as I’d wanted anything else in my life up to that point in time.

So, in a leap of faith I moved my stuff from WOU to Corban over Christmas break and waited for all of the other details to fall into place. My hopes were crushed however when I went out to the mailbox and found a letter from Corban’s financial aid office. I received my official financial aid package which came up $2,000 short of what I expected it to be. Classes had already started at WOU; it was too late to go back there. There was no way my dad or I could scrounge up that much money if our lives depended on it… so Corban was out of the picture too.

I guess I could work at the coffee shop for the next several months until classes start back up at WOU for the Spring semester. Or I could take some community college classes. Or I could go hide in a hole to avoid the humiliation that comes with the fact that I took a giant leap of faith and fell flat on my face. 

I cried. I bawled. I stood alone in the kitchen of my Aunt Pam’s (where I was living at the time) and audibly questioned why God would bring me so close to realizing a dream without letting me see it’s fulfillment. I got mad at God and I got mad at myself. How could I have been so wrong? What was the point of what I was currently going through? Argggghh!

After a good tear fest, and a few moments to gather my wits about me, I called my admissions counselor at Corban and asked if my acceptance could be deferred until the Fall Semester (as if my chances of being able to attend in the Fall would have been any higher?). He assured me that it would, but then asked why I had a change in plans.

Trying to force back the tears I simply told him that my financial aid package wasn’t enough to allow me to attend and that there was no way I could get the $2,000 difference in the week and a half before school began.

When I got off the phone I burst into tears all over again. Now what am I going to do?

I had already moved my stuff into my new dorm room at Corban. All I wanted was one semester. Why was that too much to ask? How am I going to explain this? My decision to withdrawal from WOU turned out to be incredibly foolish. How could the financial aid calculations have been so off?

These were just a few of the millions of thoughts that ran through my head as I laid pitifully on the couch, sulking like a two year old that had just gotten a sucker taken away.

God, what are you trying to teach me through this? My heart and attitude began to change as I changed my perspective. Clearly God wanted to teach me something through this. I was confident that he wasn’t trying to torture or punish me—even though that’s kind of what it felt like. Or maybe God wanted me to be somewhere else entirely, but he just wasn’t showing me where yet. Please God, please show me where you want me. Provide for my future. Open whatever doors you have for me in your own timing, not mine…help me to trust you even when life doesn’t make sense…

Suddenly the phone rang. It was my admissions counselor from Corban. He was calling to offer me an admissions counselor scholarship totaling $1,500. He asked if that would be enough to allow me to attend.

God provided just what I needed, at the exact time I needed it, in a very unexpected way. I would get the chance to attend Corban for a semester after all! I wiped the tears from my eyes, thanked God for his constant provision in my life, and got ready to go to work at the local coffee shop for the afternoon.

I knew without question that God had some great things in store for me at Corban. But I had no idea just how great one of those somethings (or, um… someone?) would be. 

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